Thailand Blog 001: An Admittance of Fear


I am going to Thailand and I am afraid.  I am afraid of being unhappy there as I was at home.  I am afraid of being outside my comfortable zone.   I am afraid of running out money and being forced to return to job I am no longer passionate about.  I am afraid of being lonely. And I am afraid of missing of mom.  It has been five hours since I last saw her and already I miss her.  What makes things worse is that I do not know when I will return.  I may be gone five days, five weeks, or five months. 

Recently, I have been becoming more mindful.  And through my learning I have come to understand that only a minute amount of my rumination is useful. 

Thinking about the worst possible outcome once is possibly valuable.  But considering the worst over and over and over is just pure anguish.  

As bad as things may go, there is always the flip side of the coin: things could extremely well.  In reality, I will likely get a mixed bag. Either way, I have no way of knowing what will happen next.  All I can really do is attempt to stay present and enjoy the current chapter of the journey.  

Jason ManningComment